That which shall not be named

It’s a sad day here. The flags at all the schools are flying at half-mast, and nobody has to ask why.
I’ve never written about the long shadow the Columbine shootings still cast on this area, but they do. Platte Canyon High School is a little farther away from the city than Columbine (which is in Littleton, a Denver suburb), but I know exactly where it is. It’s in a little mountain idyll about an hour away. I’ve passed it several times as I’ve driven through there, fantasizing about living nearby and wondering whether maybe, one day, my own children will go to school there. Now, I don’t know. I don’t want my children going to any school that has ghosts. I know it sounds bad, but there it is.
A story about Columbine still makes the paper almost every day – a lawsuit, someone still recovering from the trauma, grieving parents sharing their stories. But when people talk of Columbine, they rarely say the name. They talk of it in hushed tones – “Nobody wants another … you know.” And the Littleton Historical Museum, in a marvelously optimistic omission, includes absolutely nothing about it in its exhibits. People know they need to remember it, but they want to forget it. It’s a kind of evil that should be eradicated, pushed aside at all costs. And now all the emotions have been forced to the forefront.
Right now, what I feel is deep anger. What repulsive waste of air does something like this? Barges into a classroom, takes girls hostage, has his way with them, kills one? What do you do if you’re that girl’s parents, or her twin brother? The gunman is dead; where do you direct your anger, outward or inward? And what can the rest of us do about it? I feel totally helpless, as do many parents today. How can you feel good about sending your children to school?
Today, as my daughters played on the playground, I stood outside and watched them. Usually I just drop them off, but today I waited with them and gave them big, extra-long hugs before they went inside. I haven’t told them anything about the shooting, and I’m not sure when I will. This is the kind of evil with which parents, not children, should concern themselves.