candy land

I am reduced now to measuring the days in truffles. For my birthday, Steve sent a box of chocolate and white chocolate truffles handmade by two English ladies in Denver. There were sixteen of them, one for each day until he returns home, we finish packing, and we move away. There are only five truffles until he returns; and after that, five non-truffle days until we all leave for the long trip. And so, naturally, in this busy time where I’m preparing for the mother of all yard sales, fixing things, painting things, packing things, each one of us has a spring bug. As I try to nurse two sick girls and a sick baby boy, I mostly fight the urge to sleep all day and try to shake the settled cold out of my joints.

My daughters, especially my younger one, are taking this move so hard. They don’t want to be away from Daddy, and they don’t want to leave. They want to go to the cool school with the planetarium – they just want it to be here, and they want all their friends to be in it.

My parents are also taking the move hard, and this for me is difficult. My father, with whom I have made so much progress in the past few years, now is withdrawn and sullen around me. My mother is in denial and makes a sad moaning noise when I mention it. It’s hard to get excited when nobody around me is excited for me.

On the other hand, I get better about the move with each passing day. I am sad when I think about what I leave behind; and even though I know I will be back to visit my family and friends, it will be like a puzzle with the occasional piece gone or moved to a different spot where it doesn’t seem to fit. You can go home, but you can’t expect it to be as it was before. Just as you move on, so does everything you leave behind.
But I have to think of that toward which I move – a great city, a great school for my children, a lovely house with a little yard, great resources for all of us to learn and grow and enjoy ourselves. And I think of us being together, which, after this dreadful separation, will be such a relief for all of us.